He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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