im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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