Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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