Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
