I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I smell like Dick and happiness
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