they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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