I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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