if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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