If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
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you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
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Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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