Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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