meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
