Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
