So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
