Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
