they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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