if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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