Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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