I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
