I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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