PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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