we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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