I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
