Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact

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  (646): lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact http://tfl.nu/9ru6
  Replies (26) Good night (6804) Bad night (753)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea

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  (587): Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea http://tfl.nu/gdya
  Replies (5) Good night (2752) Bad night (1482)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.

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  (281): You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop. http://tfl.nu/puvx
  Replies (4) Good night (900) Bad night (1601)
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  (707): View more from California

  And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa

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  (707): And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa http://tfl.nu/9onc
  Replies (12) Good night (1976) Bad night (879)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.

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  (785): Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage. http://tfl.nu/6qi6
  Replies (17) Good night (1235) Bad night (1794)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.

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  (519): You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month. http://tfl.nu/3065
  Replies (9) Good night (2067) Bad night (652)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.

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  (503): I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours. http://tfl.nu/1oq1
  Replies (3) Good night (1563) Bad night (602)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?

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  (814): I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel? http://tfl.nu/5b1y
  Replies (2) Good night (483) Bad night (1058)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.

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  (724): Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy. http://tfl.nu/yszi
  Replies (2) Good night (1680) Bad night (486)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.

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  (816): I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose. http://tfl.nu/acx3
  Replies (0) Good night (995) Bad night (434)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION

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  (610): IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION http://tfl.nu/utlo
  Replies (2) Good night (689) Bad night (286)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry

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  (610): Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry http://tfl.nu/g7mi
  Replies (3) Good night (674) Bad night (316)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know

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  (908): We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know http://tfl.nu/8q22
  Replies (5) Good night (740) Bad night (284)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.

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  (403): I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great. http://tfl.nu/f5oy
  Replies (3) Good night (768) Bad night (292)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.

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  (815): So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit. (815): Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message. http://tfl.nu/tst8
  Replies (0) Good night (580) Bad night (227)

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