It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This is the high leading the old right now
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
