I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
