i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
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wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN