I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person