Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
PANTIES FOUND
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize