Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.

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  (917): SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion. http://tfl.nu/nlg6
  Replies (4) Good night (2705) Bad night (680)
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  (733): View more from

  i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now

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  (733): i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now http://tfl.nu/kg3x
  Replies (3) Good night (2469) Bad night (1234)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof

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  (757): So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof http://tfl.nu/xt5p
  Replies (4) Good night (3937) Bad night (923)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask

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  (732): I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask http://tfl.nu/8bk4
  Replies (11) Good night (4682) Bad night (704)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family

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  (410): She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family http://tfl.nu/p7y1
  Replies (6) Good night (1106) Bad night (3561)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.

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  (913): she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me. http://tfl.nu/ey2n
  Replies (16) Good night (5983) Bad night (1976)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.

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  (513): Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair. http://tfl.nu/sr76
  Replies (2) Good night (997) Bad night (1941)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles

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  (508): I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles http://tfl.nu/zr9b
  Replies (18) Good night (3506) Bad night (712)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.

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  (319): Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours. http://tfl.nu/m0o9
  Replies (19) Good night (3778) Bad night (795)
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  (585): View more from New York

  And I feel bad.

  (716): View more from New York

  Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?

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  (585): And I feel bad. (716): Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft? http://tfl.nu/a3w7
  Replies (7) Good night (1772) Bad night (870)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.

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  (226): wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all. http://tfl.nu/mko0
  Replies (8) Good night (1693) Bad night (1093)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.

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  (806): Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again. http://tfl.nu/oiv0
  Replies (5) Good night (1296) Bad night (695)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.

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  (216): if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle. http://tfl.nu/1h86
  Replies (4) Good night (909) Bad night (427)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.

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  (303): Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way. http://tfl.nu/uitb
  Replies (7) Good night (617) Bad night (939)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious

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  (325): My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious http://tfl.nu/543t
  Replies (2) Good night (740) Bad night (384)

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