porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.