im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.