Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
