The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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