I can text with my tongue
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Omg I joined a choir last night...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
