Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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