i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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