I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
