u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Nicole vs. Life
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
