i just sent this text using only my big toe
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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