I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
