Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize