she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
