i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize