plz talk dirty to me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
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someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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