I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
They took my balls.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i out mim tonsoeep
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
