my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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