Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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