she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
