i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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