The maid of honor just puked.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
