where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
