Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
