Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
