Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
