I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
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I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My vagina is officially offended.
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He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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