at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
