i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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