She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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