So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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