Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
