i permit you to call me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
