In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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