blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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