I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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