So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Randomize
